Love Me Like My Mother

I do not think that a man should ever be foolish enough to believe
that one day he will find a love that will be greater than or rival the love
that they receive from their own mother. I think this is as true for a man as
it is for a woman, since there is nothing that compares to a mother’s love in
all the universe.

Unfortunately I think most people are unaware of this, or if
they are they choose to ignore it, when it comes to seeking out a partner to
share a life with and that in the end leads to unnecessary hurt and
disappointment.

Well what exactly is it about a mother’s love that sets it apart
from all other types of love? Well, for one a mother’s love never diminishes or
changes and stays just as intent as it always was, if not a little bit wiser
with age.

No matter what one may become or fail to become, no matter how things
turn out and no matter what you decide to do with your life, your own mother’s
accepting love can be relied on to accept you under any and every circumstance.
So strong is a mother’s love that at times it almost seems like it doesn’t have
to be earned as if your mother will continue to love you even if you do not reciprocate
that love.

For a mother’s love is unstated and yet felt ten times as strongly
as any other kind of love out there, and for that reason perhaps it is so easy
to take for granted.

That same strong motherly love raises us men to be confident and
daring, and ready to discover the world and create what we will. A mother’s
love is so strong and wise that it accepts that it will nurture and raise young
boys into men who will one day want to spend as little time in the home that
cared for them, since their destiny is to start a family of their own.

In seeking out families of our own I think we men sometimes forget that the ones
we shall fall for are far from being anything like our mothers and the love
they offer is of a different kind altogether. The first mistake we make is to
believe that the love from a lover will be unconditional and will accept us as
we are at all stages of our lives.

We live our lives in relationships thinking that our partners will
always care for us the same way they did when they first fell for us but this
is just an illusion. As a man you have to accept that to a woman you will
always represent a specific concept, whether that be safety, stability, support
or refuge.

This means that while the woman might like or enjoy your personality
or who you think you are there are many things about you that also make her
want to share an existence with you and you may not be aware of these things
all the time.

Realising this makes you understand why it is that you cannot
keep crying to your woman about the things that do not go right in your life,
because that is what you are there for in her life. Perhaps she will allow you
to do it once, perhaps she may allow you to do it twice. But once you do it a
third time she will find a clear way to let you know that that is not how
things operate and you need to learn to suck it up.

In the same way a smart man quickly learns never to try reason with
a woman who is in an emotional state. Never try make her see that she is
overreacting or needs to calm down. Instead a good man should take his woman
seriously and feel what she is feeling and let her get it all out of her
system.

Do not for one second let her know that you do not understand what she
is feeling or that you think she is reacting to something silly. At the same
time do not let her know that half the time you do not know why she gets so
worked up. Just pretend pretend pretend and for the love of God do not let her
know you are pretending. Any other reaction will just be asking for trouble and
will take you on the fast road to men’s hell.

Falling in love with a woman you intend to spend the rest of your
life with is hard work and one should accept that before they go seeking out a
life partner. Foolishly believing that that initial spark will get you through
the worst of times is inadvisable because it is only commitment and dedication
that will get you through.

Unlike a mother’s love, a lover’s love cannot be
taken for granted and sooner or later it will demand a strong reaction from
you. That’s why these days I care very little for the romantic love that seemed
to be the driving force for so many years of my life. I have come to believe
that it takes a whole lot more than just that to keep two people together and
knowing what I intend on giving in a relationship makes things easier rather
than focusing on what I will be receiving in the relationship…

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The Baboon Mechanism

“Be who you want to be how you want to be where you
want to be and how you want to be.”

Men are very
simple creatures being amused by very few things: women – preferably naked
women, sports (including anything that can be called a game), food and gadgetry.
Being as simple as they are men often have simple conversations that involve
nothing of importance and yet go on for extended hours (especially where
copious amounts of alcohol are consumed) with the participants vehemently
protecting their side of the conversation or argument, even to the point of rabid
intensity.

A boy being a boy...

But everybody
knows this, men are men, boys are boys and well, more times than not men are
boys. But the great question is why is this? Why should men be allowed to carry
on the way that we do? Most arguments steer towards socialisation (nurture)
with the assertions that men carry on the way they do because society allows
them to while others tend to favour biological arguments (nature), so that the
old nurture vs nature debate rages on until our mouths unhinge from yawning so
much at the banality of it all.

The point of
this piece is not to explore that debate for any measure of time but to focus
on some of the topics that arise when men are allowed to do what they do best
far away from the prying eyes, ears and minds of women. There is something very
“tree-house-ish” about the way guys get together over some beer and have these
discussions. By “tree-house-ish” I mean that men of all ages seem to descend to
a level of childishness when there are no women around (all things that don’t
involve women are childish right?) and in the very manner that things are done
it is as if there are holding up large badly written signs saying “NO GIRLS
ALLOWED!”

Anyways, as a
guy myself (the last time I checked anyways), I have been privy to many of
these small scale guy rallies that occur at an alarming frequency almost twice
weekly and undoubtedly every weekend. These guy time sessions or cheap option
therapy sessions are successful because they involve no personal emotions or
intelligent debate and therefore allow an environment where any and everything
goes.

Standard food for thought for men

The interesting thing is that more often than not the environment created
allows guys to descend to a state where feelings and serious thought become
irrelevant thus freeing the men from the constraints of their personal lives
outside of the guy circle. But the sad reality is that guys don’t really allow
other guys to cry in front of them, discuss their real feelings or share
anything that really matters and so this escapism is really a false reality
that defeats its own ends.

Anyways, I have
once again ventured far from where I intended to go with this discussion. A while
back I was in one of these guy sessions when the topic of The Baboon Mechanism
came into the discussion which one of my intellectually impaired, beer imbibing
mates defined as the mentality that many guys have with regards to women. Simply
put The Baboon Mechanism refers to the mentality of not appreciating women as
unique individuals and basically going from one women to the next, discarding
them as easily as the pips of half eaten fruit.

If you know anything
about baboons you will know that they are impish creatures that cause many
headaches to farmers, suburban dwellers and even tourists all over Africa. Throughout
the continent they have a reputation of being farm raiders, house breakers and
in more recent times even car thieves who target unknowing tourists. The tell
tale sign of their larceny is that where crops, fruit or vegetables are involved they
have the nasty habit of biting into each piece just once and then indifferently
tossing them away before moving onto the next one. One can imagine how this can
be infuriating to farmers or poor suburban dwellers who have had their sea side
home pillaged by ignorant flea infested baboons – shame.

Yaaawwn! Yes, I am a thief and the whole nurture vs nature debate bores me too...

Now from
understanding this behaviour of baboons one fully understands why the mentality
of some men towards women is referred to as The Baboon Mechanism. I have to
admit that I thought it was quite shrewd of my inebriated mate who at the time
came across as a varsity professor delivering his thesis.  Who really knows why some men have this
mentality? I bet it probably has something to do with the male ego which has
been known to be as brittle as uncooked noodles. I’ll leave the debating to the
professors…