The Baboon Mechanism

“Be who you want to be how you want to be where you
want to be and how you want to be.”

Men are very
simple creatures being amused by very few things: women – preferably naked
women, sports (including anything that can be called a game), food and gadgetry.
Being as simple as they are men often have simple conversations that involve
nothing of importance and yet go on for extended hours (especially where
copious amounts of alcohol are consumed) with the participants vehemently
protecting their side of the conversation or argument, even to the point of rabid

A boy being a boy...

But everybody
knows this, men are men, boys are boys and well, more times than not men are
boys. But the great question is why is this? Why should men be allowed to carry
on the way that we do? Most arguments steer towards socialisation (nurture)
with the assertions that men carry on the way they do because society allows
them to while others tend to favour biological arguments (nature), so that the
old nurture vs nature debate rages on until our mouths unhinge from yawning so
much at the banality of it all.

The point of
this piece is not to explore that debate for any measure of time but to focus
on some of the topics that arise when men are allowed to do what they do best
far away from the prying eyes, ears and minds of women. There is something very
“tree-house-ish” about the way guys get together over some beer and have these
discussions. By “tree-house-ish” I mean that men of all ages seem to descend to
a level of childishness when there are no women around (all things that don’t
involve women are childish right?) and in the very manner that things are done
it is as if there are holding up large badly written signs saying “NO GIRLS

Anyways, as a
guy myself (the last time I checked anyways), I have been privy to many of
these small scale guy rallies that occur at an alarming frequency almost twice
weekly and undoubtedly every weekend. These guy time sessions or cheap option
therapy sessions are successful because they involve no personal emotions or
intelligent debate and therefore allow an environment where any and everything

Standard food for thought for men

The interesting thing is that more often than not the environment created
allows guys to descend to a state where feelings and serious thought become
irrelevant thus freeing the men from the constraints of their personal lives
outside of the guy circle. But the sad reality is that guys don’t really allow
other guys to cry in front of them, discuss their real feelings or share
anything that really matters and so this escapism is really a false reality
that defeats its own ends.

Anyways, I have
once again ventured far from where I intended to go with this discussion. A while
back I was in one of these guy sessions when the topic of The Baboon Mechanism
came into the discussion which one of my intellectually impaired, beer imbibing
mates defined as the mentality that many guys have with regards to women. Simply
put The Baboon Mechanism refers to the mentality of not appreciating women as
unique individuals and basically going from one women to the next, discarding
them as easily as the pips of half eaten fruit.

If you know anything
about baboons you will know that they are impish creatures that cause many
headaches to farmers, suburban dwellers and even tourists all over Africa. Throughout
the continent they have a reputation of being farm raiders, house breakers and
in more recent times even car thieves who target unknowing tourists. The tell
tale sign of their larceny is that where crops, fruit or vegetables are involved they
have the nasty habit of biting into each piece just once and then indifferently
tossing them away before moving onto the next one. One can imagine how this can
be infuriating to farmers or poor suburban dwellers who have had their sea side
home pillaged by ignorant flea infested baboons – shame.

Yaaawwn! Yes, I am a thief and the whole nurture vs nature debate bores me too...

Now from
understanding this behaviour of baboons one fully understands why the mentality
of some men towards women is referred to as The Baboon Mechanism. I have to
admit that I thought it was quite shrewd of my inebriated mate who at the time
came across as a varsity professor delivering his thesis.  Who really knows why some men have this
mentality? I bet it probably has something to do with the male ego which has
been known to be as brittle as uncooked noodles. I’ll leave the debating to the