Ghost Love

How long I have sat and waited without knowing,

How better to hide from the world what it is that I feel inside,

Bent, holding my folded knees I keep what I know close,

Like a guarded secret or the very mystery of love,

The questions prickle from my body like wet feathers,

Challenged in their purpose and yet strangely serving another,

I survive in complexity, answers never seeming to fit,

Almost as if they are too simple, making a disbeliever out of me,

But never fading even in the very least from what I feel,

The cold edge of truth that steels my bones, unnerving,

I shiver to the touch upon my ashen scales,

Something invisible moves about slowly as if it longs,

I feel what it feels though one wouldn’t say,

Its promises of a stolen kiss sound like whispered lies,

It’s disturbing this having and yet not, something not there,

Or is it? I cannot tell from here through misty eyes,

With a blank stare that coolly un-imagines me from their world,

The damage is comforting if only for its realness,

At least I am in ways absolute it devastatingly reminds me,

In silent pain there’s serenity unrivalled in madness,

Love pales in the claimed stakes in the games of lunatics,

And I have been part and audience in equal measure,

Doing what is done and constantly asking why,

And hearing only the echoes of my own voice from long ago,

Coming back now in exaggerated syllables weathered by the years,

There’s a mewling or whimpering somewhere in there too,

But it is distinctly not mine as it comes and it goes,

I reach out towards what I don’t understand, trying to help,

Trying to heal, love myself and whatever it is that lurks…

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6 responses to “Ghost Love

  1. there are so many lines that stand alone in their evocativeness:

    “With a blank stare that coolly un-imagines me from their world,”

    …powerful, wrenching yet hopeful….a call to survival…

  2. I find it comforting in reading that first line, as I have sat and waited without knowing as well for quit some time. Some of your words in this piece really resonate with me and remind me of someone I can only call a ghost, a ghost of past love….your choice in using the word steel instead of stealing your bones is quit wonderful (and maybe just b/c of my own story of a ghost love)…what was your reasoning behind that play on words? What a great piece! bravo!

    • Thanks Bella. As an Aquarian with a Virgo moon I have often been called cold and aloof by my exes even though I do not necessarily believe it to be so. So when I referred to the cold truth steeling my bones, I guess I was referring to me accepting how I am, in truth, and how that gives me strength almost like my very bones are made of steel. I am also quite a nervous person, so to play with the words of cold, and unnerving in the same line was almost like poking fun at myself…thanks again…

      • What a wonderful play on words and a detailed description of yourself through the stars. I too have Virgo (but in my sun sign) and Cancer in my moon making me both nervous and seeming to be very selfish at times, but deep down I feel nothing but care and love for those close to me…It’s hard to seem like your one way but feel another way completely at times. Again, thank you for this piece it was wonderful to read and even more so reading your reply about your writing. 🙂

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