Purple Scarf

Purple Scarf

Half a perfect laugh

Moments before the scar

Perfect when life was

You were for her

Beautifully magnetic

A gift of no price

Natural how she moved

Away

She couldn’t stay

But the memory is branded

Forever didn’t seem like agony

Then when she was a perfect ten

A friend who filled a longing

A white shadow dancing

Always just that far farther

Me chasing like a forever late commuter

Train left

Ship sailed with perfect purple sails

Purple Scarf

That would have comforted her shoulders

Reminding her that I was there

From day one

Till now

Now that nothing remains

Except you Purple Scarf

A gift never delivered

A hopeless smile

For a while it was everything

For a while

Just

Enough for me to remember

I was somehow better

Like how it first felt

I thought I had found something else

Self

Right there where it shouldn’t have been

That last moment was insane

Searching for strength

 We were both found wanting

Like a Purple Scarf with nobody to give to…

Sounds of the End…

This day I hear a different song, one that’s low and robust as it hums,

I hear it from within as if it beats for me, but somehow I know it is not of the heart,

This song that permeates right through me, with lovely, vibrating and attacking drums,

So natural, so clean I can hardly pretend I cannot hear it – as its rhythm slowly pulls me apart,

My sugared façade wilts like onion skin as I listen and hear the sounds of its truth,

The sticky dreams and fantasies that have held me together cannot resist my unclothing,

Reinforced they were by the love I had for you, feelings that swelled the more they were refused,

Now exposed rather awkwardly at the very core of me like the pips of a ripe melon un-supposing,

That’s where you once were – before I heard this song – back when you were my only music,

When folly ruled and I truly believed you were here and could see me and want nothing more,

I had eyes for you only – lonely – I tried time and time again with the strength I had to prove it,

And all that did was fill me with fear and despair, and everything I thought I knew suddenly unsure,

Hollow and uncared for my world became chaos, my negligence leaving my very self in the quagmire,

I reached out to you but all I found were cobwebs and the echoes of my own sad and endless whimpers,

For a while I ignored my own voices, believing what I wanted and dancing to your tune – so inspired,

Pretending it didn’t hurt as if things would, could and probably should have got much better and simpler,

But all there was in the end was the empty, the pit of sorrow that welcomes the sound of change,

It feels like an awakening, a certain twisted acknowledgement, if only by me – undoubtedly for me,

And I sway to it like a ghost in the mist – a whisper in the wind – letting it bear me with its range,

As I move with nothing else more to lose, only certain that of this love I am free…

Find Me

Find me my fine soul, that rare bird,

With invisible wings that span like time,

Bedazzled with white stars that mesmerise my blindside,

Wake me back lovingly, into that first,

Into that captured feeling, imagined sublime,

That magic of the bursting cries inside.

She was here just not too long ago,

Smiling with her sad eyes effusing charm,

So mysterious, she escaped the shadows when she took flight,

Before I had even a moment to console,

Hue her rotary colours soothingly back to calm,

Trying to bring her to my simple world with feeble might.

My ambling curiosity discovered her unsighted,

Then when I was preferably disposed of vain notions,

Oh so it seemed when we were in one moment extended forever,

Her body speaking to me not trying to fight it,

Our sensuality melted together into one throbbing emotion,

It all seemed to be breathtakingly shaping with no endeavour…

[incomplete]

Love Question Why

Why question love, my love,

Do you ever?

Since but a youngling, a soapy clumsy bubble,

I have wondered what love is,

Even before, my love, I knew that there was even such a thing,

I searched knowing not what I was searching for,

I felt, my love, that you must be there, must be aware of us.

I have often fumbled, my love, in my quest to touch your love,

Feeling through the isolated dark within,

Questioning in the way adults have taught,

Only to realise sometime later that I had it right,

 Too late it seems, as I get ahead of myself love,

Wishing that I understood you love – better, so much better,

Such that I would no longer question,

That which I am sure of,

Even if I only recently rediscovered it,

And I would see you as you are, incredibly as you are,

And not feel a need to contain you, own you or even explain you?

I am but an old oak constantly shedding its acorns and leaves,

Gems of wisdom falling unheard to the earth,

Experiences blowing shamefully through the wind,

Only to disappear into nowhere,

As if they never happened,

Fantasies, dreams, wishes and hopes,

They have all haunted me in my quest for you,

My love,

And always when I seem to have finally grasped you love,

You abandon me without caveat or reason, it seems,

Only seems, for that is what you are, seeming?

Isn’t it?

You are not always, but are,

Never forever but fascinatingly so,

Unknown but known,

Just a feeling as real as the echo of when you are gone,

You understand me like no other, my love, even if I often falter,

For I am for you,

And without you I do not know what I would do…