She Will Not Leave Me

She will not leave me she will not leave me

She has gone but she will not leave me,

Once she was a daily rising that gave light to my world

But now she has left a sweet pain that soothes me when it burns,

Once she was the reason I looked forward to the darkness

To be touched, to be loved, to feel contrasted

But now I sit contrite questioning the everlasting.

It was surreal, beyond real, the substance of intoxication

And yet it was with sober minds that we connected in mutual fascination,

A promise, never stated, ill fated maybe so

The perfect tale of two lovers that longed to be told,

As my bones grow old they sag with desirous persistence

Like I’m dieing from a dangerous pleasure with an effect that won’t diminish

And I’m continuously caught in the middle between dreaming and non-existence.

Oh for a wish, or a kiss, or the medicine to forget

When tears douse flames will my face still be wet?

On the verge of a meltdown where loneliness makes me whole

I pray in absolute denial that sadness may purge my soul,

It was a long time ago but it still feels like now

And it is the beauty of memories that allows me to look from all sides

And remember that all is not lost as long as I know what I’m worth, deep inside.

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19 responses to “She Will Not Leave Me

  1. “It was surreal, beyond real, the substance of intoxication
    And yet it was with sober minds that we connected in mutual fascination,”

    I have felt like this as well. amazing how alcohol can destroy in more ways than one.

    Great work.

  2. Yes I completely understand…I think a alot of my teen years were consumed around this confusion. There has only been one relationship that has stuck with me, we met sober as children and fell in love as adults which we both had not become blinded by alcohol, it was a sobering and enlightening experience. the essence of true love and honest connections. Lately I have seen my current relationship deteriorate b/c of alcohol, which I believe to have been not so much from mine and his issues as much as someone close to him — and it has affected the way we engage with one another, since that person is always around drinking, so it’s easy to get lost in the drugs and alcohol and not be able to enjoy the person wholeheartedly like before. It also begins to fuck with your head and emotions when we both start acting funny (not the good kind) and a little neurotic towards each other. The side effects are heartbreaking. : /

  3. also great realization of what you have deep down inside….realizing that you are truely who you are is a gift that most people lose when they empty the pain with the bottle.

    I know with my ex I drowned all my sorrows with alcohol just to numb the pain of the biggest heartbreak of all (the one I am with currently) I quickly used alcohol to pretend I was in a happy place with the ex — it was easier to pretend that way. Now that I am with the love of my life again I know exactly how beautiful love can be without the alcohol, just wish sometimes we didn’t have to be in such tense and high stress level places to be with one another. Stress causes me to drink more than I should and I am working on it, but it’s hard when you are in a place that causes a lot of anxiety with yelling and put downs.

  4. I’m glad that you with the love of your life and I know you will find a way to make it work. We all have stress and as we grow older we start to recognise how we react under stress and that in turn allows us to do something to stop it. I have faith that you will be okay.

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