Silence: a Thinker’s Worst Nightmare?

“A thought a day
keeps the madness away.”

I often wish I could switch my thoughts off just
for a whole day so that I could take a breather from all the thinking: the
planning, the hypothesizing, the worrying, and the projecting. I am a thinker,
as compared to being a feeler or a doer, which means I more or less spend most
of my time in my own head formulating the ideas, the themes, the scenes and the
melodrama that is my life.

This can be quite harrowing at the best of times as
any thinker will tell you. Most of the time ‘inside your own head’ is the best
place to hide, far from the clutches of the public reality, behind a veil of
cynicism scoffing at the unsuspecting world, drawing sharp conclusions about
all around you and feeling fully nourished by your own decidedly unique
personality.

But then there are those times when your own
derision – which is often your most natural weapon – ironically turns on you,
in an insane act of cannibalism, bludgeoning you for some mistake you have
made. These are bruising times for any thinker when your own thoughts make a
mockery of you while you are fully aware that it is you who are just attacking
yourself and sardonically laughing at the morbidity of it all.

So it seems that
what once was the safety of your own inner world, where you would make scathing
– largely ineffective – attacks on everybody else, is now more like a bunker
full of clowns blasting bazookas at each other.

I really sometimes wish I could shut them all up
these voices in my head that at times are the board members who assist me in
making executive decisions and at other times are the popcorn throwing peanut
gallery.

But the question is would I really want to do this? Shutting down the
thoughts of a thinker would be equivalent to sacking the blue collar labourers
of a factory: production would come to a complete standstill. And what then?
Without the manpower to continue production a factory loses its purpose just as
a thinker without thoughts loses his/her definition.

My greatest fear of shutting down my thoughts,
whether permanently or temporarily is not that I will be without definition but
more a fear of what will surface from the void left by the banished thoughts.

There are those sticky and nasty little things called feelings, which are the
bane of any thinker’s existence, the kryptonite to good reason, and the giver
of fuel to irrationality, uncertainty, outer chaos and inner madness. Yes,
feelings are definitely that part of human nature least understood by most
thinkers as thoughts and feelings seem to be as compatible as bubblegum and
hair, a Play Station 3 and manicured hands and nails, and pink bunny slippers
on a hulking, oily and phallic mass of a tensing male bodybuilder.

And what of all those other unspeakable things that
rattle, hiss and grunt from the murky corners of the subconscious? Don’t these
very things like to rear their bobbing heads at that exact moment when the
thoughts are silenced? All these things that don’t speak any language known to
man, that make sounds that aren’t always defined by the standards of man’s
world. All the images real and imagined, the desires fulfilled and unfulfilled,
the dreams realised and shattered, and of course all of the ghosts recognised
and ignored.

Oh yes, the silencing of the thinker’s mind is the
invitation of a whole cast of subconscious abominations, least of all the
silence itself.

The silence.

Silence.

The absence of thoughts, the emptiness,
the nothingness, the…silence.

Yes it is rather tempting when it promises to
be the real thing where the thinker doesn’t need to fear an invasion of his own
inner world by all the other faculties less used and yet just as important.

Perhaps that is the greatest lesson to all us thinkers out there (and in here
he he he), to learn to create that peace that we avoid so much, to silence the
voices and the thoughts and allow nothingness to take over.

 Perhaps in that
nothingness the genius of what we could possibly be will shine through defining
us as something greater than mere thinkers…

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